The days leading up to DC could not have been more stressful.
Stomach flus, a loss in our community, and all the head games. I missed my first flight (and nearly missed my connection)
I spent a lot of time in the airport preparing myself, reading, watching 39587396 Ted Talks, praying, crying, evangelizing. I was stressed and doubtful and nervous and excited and so glad to be able to work through it all on my own.
I slept in a guest house, ready as I was going to be for the next day.
And then these beautiful women started walking through the door with their babies.
They came to be photographed by me, and to learn from me. They were there for me, they came to see me be me and all of my doubt started to fall away.
I found myself talking much longer about some things than I planned, and completely forgot many things that I rehearsed. Like, for hours. But the women there soaked me in like a ray of Texas sunshine that they'd longed for. We laughed and cried and exchanged ideas in a way that I couldn't believe we were able to. And in such a quick whirlwind, it was over.
A few months ago, I talked to my friend, Joy, and said "I just hate when people think they know me." to which she said "Why isn't it okay for people to know you? Why is it only okay for them to know what you tell them? What you want them to know?" I didn't know it, but she was speaking into my deep issue with intimacy. I started reading Donald Miller's "Scary Close" and came across this -
"The more fully we live into ourselves, the more impact we will have. Acting may get us the applause we want, but taking a risk on being ourselves is the only path toward true intimacy. And true intimacy,
the exchange of affection between two people who are not lying, is transforming."
The temptation to keep it together, to keep up my image, to give these women whatever I thought it was that they wanted was so great. But the call to give them ME, instead of this manifestation of myself that I thought they wanted, was greater.
Before this workshop, I didn't know what I had to offer, outside of what I theorized. But now I know for sure, and I want to share it with you. I was really scared in DC, but I pushed through. And now that I'm on the other side, I am ready to give more. To slow it down and reign it in and pour it out all at once.
So. Tampa. You're next. Then Phoenix. Then Fort Worth.