I planned on updating you all on my pregnancy, but I have decided to give you a little more information on my past, so maybe I can explain why I'm insane :]

In 2007 when I started college I began looking for a job near campus that I would like and would make me money to...well you know, LIVE. I have been working since I was fifteen, usually about 20-30 hours a week. When I got the job list from work study there were two choices I was very interested in. One I don't remember any more and the other was K'STAR. I figured that K'STAR was a long shot and heavily pursued the other. I got rejected because I was too young. [something you will learn is my Achilles Heal] Thinking I was going to have to drop out of school before classes had even started, I freaked out. Later that day I got the call from K'STAR and had an interview set up. [God is good, ALL the time]

The job description was for a full time job with kids. Experience was a must and it was emphisized that the job was a very rough and tough environment. I got directions, drove to the house [which looked huge at the time (sometimes it was, sometimes it could NOT be smaller)] and knocked on the door. That was the first time I heard "MISS! SOME LADY IS AT THE DOOR!" from one of our teenagers. The boss took me up stairs grilled me to see if I was cut out for it, and set up Training for me that weekend.

Training I would soon learn was what made or broke all future employees. Actually, the younger vets of K'STAR would often volunteer to come in at 6 with Buddy [our boss, the name is EXTREMELY misleading] to help the newbies with training. It was basically two 100 question tests and an hour wrestling match with a very buff 300 lb man. We were to learn prison restraints for our lovely children. [There were only about a dozen time I had to use them in a serious/life threatening/cop involved inscedent] After a headache, some bruises, and a handshake later Buddy told me "My BEST employees know where the line of caring, and becoming emotionally involved with our clients." Foreshadowing?

I'll take you to the day that I sat with 2 and a half year old Katie [or when she formally introduced herself, Katherine Katie Marie Peoples] and had to do my job of getting her to tell me about her rape. If you pray, you don't have to read the rest of this story, just say a prayer for her tonight. She was in CPS care for the second time that year for a sexual assault/rape case. Her father was accused once before, but escaped charges and Katie was sent back to him. This was the second time he had been reported, and I made it my job to make sure she would never go back.
Katie was the most intellegent toddler I have ever met-to the day. [I'm up for challengers, the Wooley girls come close.] She was so friendly and kind, and obeyed all of the staff, but would only open up to me. The first day I met her, she was napping. I walked into her room to wake her up from her afternoon nap before the school aged kids got home. I went to her side and said "Hi Katie, I'm Miss Mae. Do you need to go potty?" Wonderful introduction if I do say so myself. She looked up at me, nodded and asked for help getting out of bed. She started wobbling and crying as we made the walk down the hall to the bathrooms. As I did with most of the toddlers, I told her I was going to put my foot in the door so if they needed any help I'd be right there [the doors were really heavy for a little kid] She started crying louder and I went in to see what was wrong. She said "Miss Mae, I need you!" I squated down in front of her and asked her what was wrong. She said it hurt too bad to pee. I said "Well stop peeing sweetie!" And tried to comfort her. Her thighs, privates and lower back were bruised badly. I have never played it so cool IN MY LIFE.
So after being drilled by her counselor one day, I had to get down to Katie's report of what happened.
Long story short she told me what her Aunt and step mom did to here when her dad was away. A hint- when I went to put a bandaid on her hand she ran away from me and started crying. When I pushed as to what was going on she looked up at me with HUGE tear filled blue eyes and pleaded "please don't put those on my eyes Miss Mae?"

My year there was full of heart break like Katie's. There was frustration with dealing with children who's parents didn't discipline them AT ALL, teenage girls [that's a good enough explaination right?] a few suicidal teens, the most precious babies I've ever met, and a few teenage boys who thought I was their girlfriend [one who was shot 8 times in a gang related drive by, 3 bullets were still in him, I can't make this stuff up!]- if girlfriends wanted to choke the life out of them.

Eamon delt with my crying and screaming everyday on the phone 120 miles away, and almost every day I said I wanted to quit. But in all of the... well in all of the shit that was brought out in that place on a daily basis, I have never seen Christ work in such a mysterious way. It was the first time I realized my heart could not just break for kids like Katie, but people like her father. I was quickly made fun of by all of our teenagers as the "Previously suicidal, Virgin Mae, Jesus Loving, Hard Ass, that has really good taste in music" Talk about God finally giving me a position where all of my "downfalls" were used to influence life! [And save one]

Ok, this is the time where I have to admit I don't know where this is going any more.
Long story short, I guess I really miss "my kids", I didn't think they would ever effect me so much.